Today was the second time my barber very matter-of-fact-ly asked, “Eyebrows, too?”
Wish I were really successful, so that hating myself this much would seem tragically ironic instead of just weird and sad.
— My mom, watching a boy band perform in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Is the 6:45am eclipse a trick to make us lose the extra hour of sleep we’re getting this weekend?
I’m gonna load up on sleeping pills and get my extra hour, no matter how interesting the eclipse sounds or how bad it is to mix sleeping pills and back pills and sadness.
I like people who like Halloween and hate people who love Halloween.
I thought I’d gotten over her because I’d grown up, but really, it was because she’d changed her Twitter icon from a picture of her beautifully, painfully familiar face, to a picture of that goddamn betta fish.
I fucking hated that fish.
In case I get arrested tonight, someone send me a private message if they’re willing and able to manage my ‘The Simpsons: Tapped Out’ account in my stead.
I want to marry you. You are thinking you’re going to get arrested, and you’re worried about your Tapped Out account… I want to marry you..
Sorry, my heart belongs to Lady Springfield.
(lvl 33, username: IDontSayLOL)